- Voetbal Gozer
- Posts
- ⚽ Eagle Handlers, Goal Machines, and Weekend Bangers
⚽ Eagle Handlers, Goal Machines, and Weekend Bangers
When Dutch legends get benched (and Italian bird handlers get banned)
In today’s email:
🏟️ Utrecht vs AZ: European spots on the line
🔴 Arsenal aims to tame Villa's away-day blues
🦅 Lazio's falconer takes workplace drama to new heights
👑 The Dutch striker who couldn't catch a break
😂 Your daily dose of football memes
MATCH PREVIEWS
Utrecht vs. AZ: High Stakes at Stadion Galgenwaard!
The Eredivisie delivers another tantalising clash as Utrecht hosts AZ this weekend. With both sides vying for European places, there’s plenty riding on this matchup. Will Utrecht's home advantage carry the day, or will AZ’s attacking edge tip the balance? Let’s dive in.
Key Stats to Know
Utrecht’s Home Struggles: Utrecht might be flying high in 3rd place, but their recent home form has been less than stellar. Two wins, a draw, and three losses in their last six don’t inspire confidence. While their attack has been ticking along, averaging 1.83 goals per game (xG: 2.1), their defence has been a major concern, leaking 2.83 goals per match (xG: 1.48). Paxten Aaronson, with five goals this season, is their go-to man, but injuries to key players like Noah Ohio and Vasilis Barkas leave them looking vulnerable.
AZ’s Away Resilience: AZ are sitting in 6th, and while their away form has been a mixed bag (2 wins, 2 draws, and 2 losses in their last 6), they’ve been efficient in attack, scoring 1.67 goals per game (xG: 1.07). However, their defence is far from airtight, conceding 1.67 goals (xG: 1.57). Troy Parrott remains the danger man, with an impressive 11 goals this season, but their squad depth is being tested with players like S. Westerveld and Ibrahim Sadiq out of action.
Betting Suggestions
This game feels like it’s destined for goals, and the odds reflect that. A 2-2 draw at 11.0 offers great value if you’re expecting a tight, end-to-end battle. Utrecht to win at 2.8 also looks tempting, especially if you think their home crowd can lift them to a vital victory in their impressive season so far. Whichever way it goes, this match promises drama at both ends of the pitch.
This game is available via our partner Booms Bet. Click here.
Arsenal vs Aston Villa: Gunners Seek Redemption at the Emirates
Arsenal host Aston Villa on a crisp January afternoon in North London, a fixture loaded with narrative. For the Gunners, it’s another step in their title chase. It’s a chance for Villa to upset their hosts, just as they did last season when they derailed Arsenal’s title hopes.
Key Stats to Know
Arsenal's Home Strengths, but Challenges Loom: Mikel Arteta’s side have been dominant at the Emirates, securing six wins and two draws in their last nine home games. Defensively, they’ve been superb, conceding just 0.67 goals per game (xG: 0.59). Offensively, though, cracks are showing. Arsenal average 1.67 goals per game (xG: 2.45), but with Bukayo Saka sidelined and Gabriel Jesus out long-term, their attacking options are stretched. Kai Havertz has been deployed in key roles but continues to struggle for form and confidence. The pressure is mounting for someone to step up.
Villa’s Road Woes: Aston Villa’s away form tells a sorry tale: two wins and five losses in their last seven matches on the road. Their attack has been lacklustre, managing just 0.71 goals per game (xG: 0.99), and their defence isn’t much better, leaking 1.86 goals per match (xG: 1.8). Ollie Watkins, with nine goals this season, is their main threat, but with injuries to Diego Carlos and Pau Torres weakening their backline, Villa face a daunting challenge.
Betting Suggestions
Aston Villa to win at 6.6 offers tempting value, especially with Arsenal’s injury concerns and lack of fluency up front. For a game that could be tighter than expected, a 0-0 draw at 12.0 also feels like a savvy punt. Villa’s away struggles make them underdogs, but Arsenal’s current challenges mean this one isn’t as straightforward as it seems.
This game is available via our partner Booms Bet. Click here.
WTF?
🦅 Lazio's Eagle Handler Goes Full-On Quail
In today's edition of "things you can't make up," Lazio's former eagle handler is staging the world's most awkward sit-in after getting fired for... checks notes... posting explicit surgery photos online.
The saga: Juan Bernabe, who's been Lazio's falconer since 2010, locked himself inside the club's training ground, demanding to apologise to the club president. His crime? Sharing some very personal medical procedures on Instagram. (Pro tip: Maybe don't?)
Plot twist: The doctor who performed said surgery also got "fired", though he claims he can't be fired since he never worked there. Make it make sense.
The quotes: Bernabe, who previously defended himself by saying he "comes from a family of nudists," is now singing a different tune: "I made a mistake, please: forgive me!" (The sunglasses he wears? They're to hide his tears, apparently.)
Bottom line: Sometimes, an eagle handler should just stick to handling eagles. 🤷♂️
DID YOU KNOW?
Dutch Scoring Legend Got Snubbed... Hard
Meet Willy van der Kuijlen, aka "Skiete Willy" (Shooting Willy), the Eredivisie's all-time top scorer who somehow only got 22 caps for the Netherlands. Let that sink in.
The numbers are bonkers:
• 311 Eredivisie goals (still the record)
• 17 years at PSV (back when loyalty wasn't a myth)
• Just 22 national team appearances (we'll get to that)
Here's the kicker: While Willy was casually breaking scoring records at PSV, the Dutch national team was like "nah, we're good." His competition? Just Johan Cruyff and Johnny Rep. No biggie.
The irony: Today, the Dutch national team would trade their famous orange jerseys for a striker half as prolific as van der Kuijlen. The man was born in the wrong era.
Bottom line: Sometimes, being the greatest goalscorer in your league's history isn't enough to get you a national team spot. Dutch logic, am I right?
MEME OF THE DAY
They couldn’t! Could they?
WHO WILL WIN?
Utrecht vs. AZ |
WHAT DID YOU THINK OF TODAY'S NEWSLETTER? |